Writing

Moon Writes: forgive and forget

The first to seek forgiveness
admitting wrongs
deeper vesting in love
can it be?

“I’m sorry!”

My existence, whispering apologies
shouldering responsibility
for all the wrongs
guilt-ridden, self admonished.

“It’s my fault! “

Just a way to show
my love for you
a way to let you know
you mean more than you know.
I don’t want you to think 
I’m always this wrong. 

“I’m so sorry!”

Caught in my own web,
guns backfiring inside my head.
piling up the failures
apologizing for things beyond my control, 
taking responsibility for others wrongs 

“Forgive me”

For I have loved the most…
loved everyone so much, that I forgot 
to love the one who needed it more.
Myself. 

“Sorry.”

For-give. 
what am I giving? 
For-get. 
what am I getting?

Forgiving.
Forgetting. 
To live, to love,
I am not alone in this,
not everything is my wrong.
And you can’t see I’ve grown.


Old poems come back again, apparently, I had a lot to say about self-love and apologies back in 2014. Which in all honesty was a tough period of time for me, but it helped me grow and we’re here for the better.

Writing

Moon Writes: i raise the glass

The Loss of the Self in Sickness and Pain by Moon Kestrel

to the ghosts of my illness,
who come and put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder,
reminding me of what it was like to have them
around in the flesh rather than just in glimpses.

to their randomness,
for they do as they please.
weather changes or tiredness
will draw them near with ease.
the thumping inside my head as they knock
to let me know i lived through it all.

to their humming in my ears,
recounting the past and the tears.

sometimes they make me cry,
taking advantage of my sensitivity,
but they’re not evil
they’re just ghosts.

here’s to the phantoms
that keep reminding me how bad it was
but instead, succeed at making me grateful.

i raise my glass,
to them all,
for i am alive
i survived.


A toast. Because sometimes old poems and pieces of artwork speak better than new words (this was written in May 2016), and the artwork is from 2013. Some ghosts are persistent, some are here to stay.

I hadn’t done a Moon Writes post in a while and given that I’ve had a small regression and remembering how bad the pain can be, this felt applicable, and hey, maybe it will speak to others, even if it is a toast made for my specific ghosts.

Book Review

Moon Reads: Run Rebel

Run Rebel by Manjeet Mann

Rating: MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px Grey

Read before: No

Ownership: Purchased to read

Content Warnings: Domestic abuse, violence, gaslighting, arranged marriage, racism, bullying, mental health, drinking/alcoholism

I don’t always start a review by comparing the book to others, but due to the huge amount of content warnings, I want to place it right. Rub Rebel is powerful, but it is as if you had mixed Poet X with Monday’s Not Coming or Fight Like a Girl.

Now, if you have read any of those books, you will know they are gritty intense books about the not so pretty side of being a girl and trying to live life in a complicated family situation. And Run Rebel is about a girl who loves running and is good at it but her dad expects her to marry and not go on studying and she struggles to keep rising through the world when she keeps feeling the punches coming down.

It is a story about reacting and then acting, being reactive to proactive, but also about appreciating the things you have, the small respites, the little things sometimes you don’t consider or how opportunities may come.

I had to take some time as I read this as it is intense and you really feel for the characters, so please read it carefully, but the poetry approach is intense and also good at conveying the story quickly, in a way that makes it understandable. In the poem form of the story, the verses take away the fluff and give the narrator a voice unique to them that is as if they are writing the poems to tell their story, to vent and to breathe, like bleeding on the page.

Recommended for readers of intense stories, fans of Elizabeth Acevedo and any for the titles mentioned above or the authors.

Book Review

Moon Reads: The Animal After Whom Other Animals Are Named

The Animal After Whom Other Animals Are Named by Nicole Sealey

Rating: MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px Grey

Read before: No

Ownership: Bought for myself

Sometimes I impulse buy chapbooks of poetry when a poem hits me deeply, and that is the case here.

I came across Nicole Sealey through the poem Even the Gods and the analysis provided under Ordinary Plots. Even weeks after reading it, the words of it are still dancing in my head and living there rent-free. As Devin, see the linked blog post, explains, the word even does a lot of work in the poem but it was fascinating what it was trying to do and how much the little poem says in a few lines.

Everytime I read it, I get a little more, a little different from it, and therefore, I had to buy the chapbook. So I did. And I have to say not all the poems in it are as powerful, or at least not as powerful to me personally, but there are still quite a lot fo good ones and it was inteeresting to read and just try to see what the author was trying to say but also the way the words were used to say things. That is one of the things I enjoy of poetry, the use of words and how they can have a lot of meaning in a single one.

This is not a long post, but I do want to feature the chapbook because it is worth checking it and also getting the powerful poems in it.

Book Review

Moon Reads: Your Heart is the Sea

Your Heart is the Sea by Nikita Gill

Rating: MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px Grey

Read before: No

Ownership: Bought after reading Amanda Lovelace and wanting something similar

Spoiler free review: Yes

Content warnings: abuse, violence, heartbreak, manipulation, trauma

Generally, I am not someone who reads a lot of poetry, but I try to read some in between books and this book just felt like one I wanted to read.

Your Heart is the Sea is very much about how hearts heal and feel and break and process trauma and heartbreak/heartache due to relationships. It seems to cover mostly lovers rather than other kinds but also touches on family.

Some of the poems are short and sweet, and some are more complex. Some will be like “oh those words sounds nice together” and then as I read more and more, I felt them more and more, they hit closer to home, to what I had lived or felt and I could make them mine rather than just words on a page they became part of what was in my heart.

The book is divided into sections, each dealing with a particular part of relationships, like pain or recovery or other parts, and they poems seem to slowly tell a story of a relationship that breaks apart, the back and forth and then the recovery, finding you are a whole person, and you can do this on your own.

As for the poetry part, some of the poems are rhymes, others are more a single line or paragraphs, almost like micro or mini fiction, short stories interwoven between poems that complete the picture. At first I wasnt convinced by the change of pace but as the book goes along they felt better placed, not sure if it was just I got more used to the style or they were better.

When I finished I had to pause and just let it all sink in and wash over me like waves of nostalgia, or memories over me.

Recommended for lovers of heartfelt poetry, for those who had bad relationships or suffered heartbreak and abuse and want some healing balm poetry or are okay to dive back into memories of the good and the bad with a new view on it. Or if you just like pretty words making pretty poems.

Book Review

Moon Reads: A Thousand Mornings

A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver

Rating: MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px

I can’t remember how exactly I stumbled upon Mary Oliver’s poetry but what I can remember is that it caught my eye and that artistic par tof me wanted to read more, to have some more poems to munch and mull over for a lazy read if I could. I had a hard time choosing which one of her books to buy, but ended up settling for A Thousand Mornings since it felt like it had the right kind of poems for me and what I would like to read.

I was not wrong, and I enjoyed the poetry, it is old style, and it has a lot of story, some of it is simpler than other pieces but overall it is cohesive and it speaks well. The way Mary Oliver uses language reminded me of mornings and cups of coffee and just being awake slowly and sometimes abruptly.

So I guess the best review I can give is to say that the poetry and poems spoke to me, and the words were beautiful and charming, lyrical and magical, and I couldn’t escape them so I read until I came to the end of the book and felt like this was the book to read one poem every morning until they run out to savour it.

If you like poetry and just reading pretty phrases that stir your heart I can recommend reading this, it is quite short and concise but still good reading.

Book Review, Books

to make monsters out of girls Review

to make monsters out of girls by amanda lovelace

“What happens when the man of your dreams turns out to be a nightmare with sharp teeth and claws?”

Winner of the 2016 Goodreads Choice Award for Best Poetry, amanda lovelace presents her new illustrated duology, “things that h(a)unt.” In this first installment, to make monsters out of girls, lovelace explores the memory of being in an abusive relationship. She poses the eternal question: Can you heal once you’ve been marked by a monster, or will the sun always sting?

Rating: MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px

I bought this one to complete the duology since I had enjoyed to drink coffee with a ghost more than I expected. And I have to say, compared to it, this isn’t as good. Or maybe it feels less powerful because it is not my first encounter with her poetry. Unsure.

It still is a powerful read. And as someone who had a terrible relationship that I am still healing from, this definitely resonated. One of the things that was interesting to see was how you adapt and sometimes become a monster yourself in self defense. I had become someone defensive and jumpy, someone who would tell you horrible things and be quite critical so you wouldn’t dish those things to me first. But before him I wasn’t as bitter or monstrous.

Still, some poems passed me by, but a lot of them where relevant, including the sun heart ones, as I found my own “sun” heart. The parts that didn’t click, at least I could feel or attempt to understand a little. Not all experiences are the same, but there are some similarities and it is that thread that ties this book together. The pain, the self loathing, the wanting to prove your love and that you are worth loving.

It is a tough book, so read with care, and it has a long list of content warnings at the beginning (something I am grateful for). If you can brave this book, it may be cathartic and helpful to read, like releasing some of the poison in your wounds. Still, do so with care and love and patience.

Book Review, Books

to drink coffee with a ghost Review

to drink coffee with a ghost by amanda lovelace

“You cannot have a funeral for your mother without also having a funeral for yourself.” This book poses the ever-lingering question: What happens when someone dies before they’re able to redeem themselves?

From the bestselling & award-winning poetess, amanda lovelace, comes the finale of her illustrated duology, “things that h(a)unt.” In the first installment, to make monsters out of girls, lovelace explored the memory of being in a toxic romantic relationship. In to drink coffee with a ghost, lovelace unravels the memory of the complicated relationship she had with her now-deceased mother.

Rating: MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px MoonKestrel Logo2 20px

This book was a title + cover buy. I saw it as I was looking for some books to gift for Christmas, it caught my eye, I skim read a few of the poems to try to see if I’d like it and went “yeah, sounds okay, buy”.

I read it quickly, and gosh, this spoke to me more than I thought it would. My mother isn’t dead, but a lot of what is touched in the book is either things I have encountered myself or seen people close to me live through. A few poems, I felt like someone had taken a peek at my life and gone “this is one of those do or die moments, this was a turning point”.

Before this little book I hadn’t read any of Amanda’s other books because a) I mostly don’t do poetry, but I have sudden bouts of liking it. Poetry in English confuses me, it feels way less poetic and makes less sense than it does in Spanish. And b) her other poetry books have been hyped and I have been burnt enough by “overly hyped bookes” that I mostly steer away from them because they’re 90% of the time not my type of book. I am not sure her other series is for me, but this one, it most certainly is.

One thing that made me smile is that it has an extensive list of trigger and content warnings so you know what to expect when you read it and it won’t shock you or do you wrong as you’ve been warned. Maybe it even helped knowing what may be coming to connect better with it, as I knew what parts of it would speak the most to me.

Now I have ordered the previous book on this collection and I have keep this one in my limited collection of poetry books (so far there’s 3 of them, not counting the one on the way). I guess that is high praise for this book if it is actually staying on my shelves…

Writing

Moon Writes: i only said i love you…

i only said i love you
at the end of us
but to me, it was the start
for i had not admitted
how i felt in my heart.

all the time we had together
i fought against falling for you
it was a scary thing to do
and i feared it’d
scare you away too.

now i’m looking
for a fresh new love
but every face i see
i’m hoping it’ll be
your own.

so i give up,
i can’t fight against love.
we both know that
you love me too

every time i find someone 
else, i feel as if
i was betraying us,
going behind your back,
yet you say it’s alright…

but then you get jealous
and gulp the nerves of loosing
me back, never show your fear 
or the hint of a tear,
you’re brave like that.

we play ping pong
never saying what we really mean
trying to live in-between
a hidden life from the rest of the world
that’s only for you and i.

but this can’t go on
for ever and without end
we’ll grow old, get bored
someone will love us more
or at least,  they won’t deny
the feeling is there.


A poem for an infatuation and desperation or annoyance, or maybe a mix of both. But I like the fact that it points to a lost opportunity by the undecisive person rather by the one that moved on and got tired of being on a “yes then no then yes” mode.

Writing

Moon Writes: Four walls

He’s coming,
frantically look for a way out,
but this room only has four walls,
and no door or windows in it.
(don’t ask me how he came in,
he’s a magician,
killing me is his best trick)

He’s here,
and there’s no escaping,
back then, there was numbness,
now, manage to struggle,
but screams fall on deaf ears.
(don’t walls have ears? can’t they hear?
but they lack mouths and can’t speak out for me.)

Open your eyes,
transposed with the darkness of
your room, is the nightmare,
can’t shake it away.
(be rational, dear brain,
your reality is safety.)

Deep breaths,
call on your to-go, knowing
the reply will come after dawn,
but you’ll be reassured, you’ll be heard.
(hey, hi, a reply!
heaven heard your silent plea)

“I’m here for you,
tired and sleepy.
it’s not real, your mind is just
sorting things, you’re just feeling
the effects.
(you know things will get
better, my love, you can do it)


I think this one poem talks by itself. But it was written during times of distress and feeling trapped. Thankfulyl things are better, but I still like the words that came out of it.