Discussion

Where has Moon been?

As you may have noticed, I’ve been a little absent from the blogging world and social media in general. In case you were asking where has Moon been? Here is your answer:

https://twitter.com/themoonkestrel/status/1519242891935330304

If you don’t do twitter or anything like that, the short version is that in December I had a health incident (I have a chronic condition and disability) and my housemate left me on the floor despite knowing my condition. This was a wake up call and I realised I was safer on my own and near friends than where I was currently. For various life reasons, making the move and changing my circumstances required a lot of planning that took over my life and then the move took over my life too.

However, I have finally moved house and I am now unpacking my books! This means that I will be back in full swing here very soon. For now, we will have a post or two a week and then slowly back to three a week. Hopefully you are all excited for the content here and to see what I’ve been reading!

Writing

Moon Writes: smell the sea, smell the woods

standing near the edge,
a place where
water and sand converge,
waves of melancholy gently kiss my feet.

they come to shore full of vibrancy,
trying to take the earth whole,
yet as they retreat reluctantly,
one can hear the sea cry.

me and the waves,
blow kisses to the wind
that playfully catches
in between my hair.
 
a whiff of you in my curls,
a spell unlocked by nature,
magic that sings a blessing
with the whisper of a curse.

blessings that filter through
treetops, as sunshine glows
in the woods of memories
while the river of our story flows

it gently carries the weight
of you, i and us.
tears and fears, awe and hope
it takes it all in, it takes it all

and a curse that whispers,
“you are alone, all alone,
lost in the woods,
without a place to call home”.

pour salt in my wounds;
roots that go deep,
ground me in this world,
and are made to seek

make a poultice for my soul,
from the garden that grows
inside that heart of yours,
shade that keeps it cool

i smell the sea,
it’s a blessing
i smell the woods,
reject the curse

take a breath 
catch your scent,
you hold me close,
and i am content…


I sometimes forget some of the things I wrote, this is one of those poems that has some lines I would like to work into something and then a lot of lines I am unsure about, but the pace is interesting and I love how it deals with blessings, magic and curses. Sometimes you know things before you know them. (This was written again in 2015/2016, old words)

Writing

Moon Writes: drowning in you

Dip my toes into this current,
the one that flows from you,
whispering sweet nothings
and promising to never budge.

You insist it’s a big forever
in an ocean full of lies,
but now i know better
and i won’t consider you my lifesaver.

Treacherous waters up to my waist,
they reach and try to convince me
that i want to go for a swim
and join in this little whim.

How did i let them rise so quick?
why did you let your dam run free?
couldn’t you’ve waited until
i had my footing and was ready?

But you had to run and rush
let the waves of your feelings crash
against my lips and skin
trying to find your way in.

I’m drowning,
drowning in you.

Try to rise to the surface,
take a deep breath,
just to feel like myself again,
to remember i wasn’t ready for this.

Why, oh, why
couldn’t you wait,
and avoid this tragedy,
the death of us in your sea?

Shall i release the storm,
or still try to rise above?
i wonder if there’s a happy ending
to this catastrophe.

Will i be able to be me,
if i try to surf through it all
and learn to ride a hurricane,
navigating back to safety.

Washed ashore in the aftermath,
can’t help but wonder
if this was never meant to be,
for i was drowning in your sea.


A poem I wrote about someone who isn’t in my life anymore because I was definitely drowning in who they were and losing myself. But some parts of this poem feel a little too on point to life right now. Funny how words can mean many things…

Announcements, Discussion

A Constellation of Moon is back

Hi everyone, after a short hiatus due to life happening and a few health issues, I am back with a lot of books to talk about, a few book boxes to share, more books to talk about, some art, maybe some mentions of streaming and being on Twitch and what that experience means because honestly, it is a whole wild ride)!

Let’s talk a tiny bit about health, in December I had an incident with my hypermobility combined with my hip dysplasia and spinal issues, which meant I couldn’t walk for a few days or bear weight for a while. And then my source of keeping my muscles and joints moving and working, aerial/circus arts, took a break which meant for two weeks a was struggling a little to catch up with moving and being well. And then January has come and gone and I am slowly building up my strength, hosting a party with piñatas as I do every year, and then just trying to live and catch a breath which now I have done.

I could have come back earlier, but the hiatus meant I had the space to return to playing the piano and drawing. I was able to pursue at leisure things that bring me joy without the pressure of having to do them to keep viewers or stats or anything. And don’t get me wrong I love blogging and raving about things, but some days it feels like a grind and pressure and honestly I want to keep filling my life with joy, so a hiatus felt like a good thing to do and to spend some time just recharging. Oh and obviously reading. I finished my Goodreads challenge of 140 books for 2021, with 141 books read. So I challenged myself to 150, which I doubt I will achieve but hey, one has got to try, right?

Also, I may be bringing some aerial/circus content to the blog because I love it and it is a huge part of my life as I mentioned above, so as longas I get my ducks in a row, this should also become part fo the content and I will talk about doing moves, going to see Cirque du Soleil, etc.

Writing

Moon Writes: watch me disappear

watch me disappear
as you claim to be,
do, know, see
more than me

(who cares that 
i shared my love for it, 
showed you a vulnerability)

watch me disappear
as you ignore my words
and blank my actions
i am invisible

(not worth your attention now
but if we rewind the film
it wasn’t that way before)

watch me disappear
you got what you needed
climbed the ladder up
above where i am

(go, be special, be famous
walk all over me,
who cares, right?)

watch me disappear
steal my victories
make them yours

watch me disappear
or rather, not,
since i don’t exist anymore


Sometimes out of bad things, good things happen and you get an interesting poem. At first, I re-read this poem and couldn’t remember the exact reason I wrote it and had a certain type of feelings, then shared it with a friend who did remember the original times exactly and then it was like seeing it in a whole new light. In my friend’s words: “it is a surprise what beauty can come out of the terrible things”. Not wrong, not wrong at all…

Writing

Moon Writes: come, come

come, come,
look for me.
run, run,
you can find me.

stop,
don’t you know 
where
i am?

wait,
if you listen hard, 
if you glance this way,
you may catch me off guard.

A glimpse of a curl, 
pale paper skin peeking through my clothes,
the rise and fall of my chest,
hands holding breasts,
to protect the rhythm that hides.

A head full of dreams,
cradled in the sleep of the just,
’til it’s interrupted by screams…

oh wake me,
WAKE me! 
save me,
if you must…

here, here,
hold my head against your skin,
wrap your arms tight around me,
we’re free, we’re meant to be.


Little odd poem about many things, but mostly about panic attacks coming in the middle of the night and needing comfort and gentleness to deal with them. Again, something a little old since I haven’t written any new poetry in years, but I still like these little snippets of a time gone by that thankfully is now far away enough to look back to.

Writing

Moon Writes: forgive and forget

The first to seek forgiveness
admitting wrongs
deeper vesting in love
can it be?

“I’m sorry!”

My existence, whispering apologies
shouldering responsibility
for all the wrongs
guilt-ridden, self admonished.

“It’s my fault! “

Just a way to show
my love for you
a way to let you know
you mean more than you know.
I don’t want you to think 
I’m always this wrong. 

“I’m so sorry!”

Caught in my own web,
guns backfiring inside my head.
piling up the failures
apologizing for things beyond my control, 
taking responsibility for others wrongs 

“Forgive me”

For I have loved the most…
loved everyone so much, that I forgot 
to love the one who needed it more.
Myself. 

“Sorry.”

For-give. 
what am I giving? 
For-get. 
what am I getting?

Forgiving.
Forgetting. 
To live, to love,
I am not alone in this,
not everything is my wrong.
And you can’t see I’ve grown.


Old poems come back again, apparently, I had a lot to say about self-love and apologies back in 2014. Which in all honesty was a tough period of time for me, but it helped me grow and we’re here for the better.

Writing

Moon Writes: i raise the glass

The Loss of the Self in Sickness and Pain by Moon Kestrel

to the ghosts of my illness,
who come and put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder,
reminding me of what it was like to have them
around in the flesh rather than just in glimpses.

to their randomness,
for they do as they please.
weather changes or tiredness
will draw them near with ease.
the thumping inside my head as they knock
to let me know i lived through it all.

to their humming in my ears,
recounting the past and the tears.

sometimes they make me cry,
taking advantage of my sensitivity,
but they’re not evil
they’re just ghosts.

here’s to the phantoms
that keep reminding me how bad it was
but instead, succeed at making me grateful.

i raise my glass,
to them all,
for i am alive
i survived.


A toast. Because sometimes old poems and pieces of artwork speak better than new words (this was written in May 2016), and the artwork is from 2013. Some ghosts are persistent, some are here to stay.

I hadn’t done a Moon Writes post in a while and given that I’ve had a small regression and remembering how bad the pain can be, this felt applicable, and hey, maybe it will speak to others, even if it is a toast made for my specific ghosts.

Discussion

Moon Reappears

In case you hadn’t noticed, I seemed to disappear into a short hiatus at the beginning of April.

If you were wondering where I have been and why the reviews and unboxings seem to have stopped, wonder no more!

We have moved house.

For those that have followed the drama, we basically have been trying to move since August last year and we have won the “moving house” bingo so many times in the category of “what can go wrong”. I had scheduled posts up until a few days after moving house, but the bingo card/luck wasn’t done with us. We had dodgy unreliable internet for a few weeks, and then the exhaustion of unpacking and sorting and returning to work was a lot. Plus I finally got a diagnosis for my chronic pain.

I am not ready yet to talk a lot about that because I am still trying to process it myself and what it means for me, my lifestyle and my future. There is a lot to think about.

But, the good news is that now that a big chunk of the stress has gone away, more blog posts will come soon and you can read about the books that have kept me sane through all the madness.

Hoping you are all still here reading. Thank you for your support!

Announcements

The Constellation of Moon

Welcome to all! If things look slightly different it is because they are.

Apparently life changes as time passes (who knew?) and with it, this blog is evolving alongside me.

So what’s new? For starters, a new name for this blog. After a lot of pondering and to match future things to come and projects, I am now “The Constellation of Moon” because gathering all of who I am and all the opinions is like finding a constellation of stars and the exact shape of what they make. Any star constellation is just a bunch of stars at first and then suddenly they take shape and are something more, including becoming a landmark (or a celestial mark rather). Which is exactly what I am aiming for, to grab all the stars (blog posts) and make my own constellation shining bright in this sky (blogosphere).

We are back to regular programming tomorrow, with posts every other day, and some new areas to come and pique your interests, particularly if you’re someone who enjoys videogames or if you prefer seeing more art and crafts from me, those two should be making an appearance soon enough.

What do you think of the new name and look?

Do you think you’re a constellation of ideas or maybe you think of your personality and identity as something else, what would you call it?